Navigating the tumultuous seas of dating and relationships in an era of downloading, swiping, ghosting, and pre-dating is not an easy task. Honestly, this is a huge understatement in the quest of finding true love, or at least someone who really will wait to watch those next episodes with you on your current Netflix favorite.
To swipe or not to swipe, that is the question!
Finding love at the touch of your fingertips sounds tempting but after a few hours many of those potential love interests start to sound alike. In my own search for love and a relationship (yes, that is still a thing), I have noticed that a large percentage of the dating app profiles of straight men, ages 35 to 50 exhibit the following top five characteristics below, and to be frank….it has to stop…like yesterday. Read on my lovelies to find out how and why we need to stop the madness. Here are the top five things men need to stop putting in their dating app profiles in 2018.
- “Looking for my partner in crime.”
Unless we are going to commit real crimes, this line can be such a cliche and a turn off. And if we do have to commit crimes, let me suggest White Collar crimes because we will still be able to do yoga and pilates while incarcerated, and stay vegan if necessary. This phrase does not really express what type of partner you are looking for, and it shows that you may not be sure about what you really want in terms of dating and having a girlfriend. Do you want a friend? Do you want an activity partner? Are you looking for a real connection or something casual? Be straightforward about what you really want and you will have a better chance of finding someone who wants the same thing. Even if all want to do is hook-up, just suck it up and say so.
2. “Looking for my Anastasia Steele”
Bruh, really????? So let me get this straight, you are in your mid to late thirties looking for a a naive college aged virgin you can easily manipulate and control because of your own childhood resentment against your mother? Okay, let me know how that works out for you. If you want to explore certain fantasies, that’s totally okay, just say that you are looking for a partner open to “adventures”, but please be honest about your needs. Do not reference Fifty Shades of Grey unless you have Christian Grey connections, millions, and the hair. Thanks!
3. Must have passport and be willing to travel on short notice.
Okay boo, so where is that ticket to Turks and Caicos? First of all I didn’t start traveling internationally until I turned thirty, and to demand that whomever you date must have a passport is elitist and rude. What if they are new to the US? Or what if their job doesn’t allow them to travel often? This is not a real parameter for a romantic partner. How about we mature our verbiage and say “I love to travel and would like a partner that shares the same desire and is open to international adventures”. See how you can be non-offensive and non-elitist if you try hard enough. Besides, Christian Grey would just send his girl a ticket and a limo.
4. “Looking for the perfect mix of crazy and hot”
Dear Single Men, I need you to stop referring to women as “crazy”. This is degrading and misogynistic language. Let me be plain, it’s not funny. And I would also like to know what your definition of “crazy” is. Do you mean that you consider a woman who isn’t afraid to let you know when she is upset about your behavior (such as referring to adult women as crazy) and openly expresses it like an adult is “crazy”, then maybe that’s why other relationships haven’t worked. Just saying.
5. Nothing at all!
If you can’t even be bothered to thrown in a couple beer, burger, and palm tree emojis with your profile pics then you obviously are not serious. One hundred forty characters is more than enough to let a woman know what type personality you have and what you are looking for online. At least give a hint about what crimes you want to commit with your partner.